The first twenty-three with a little help from my friends...

Looking back now its been one hell of a ride...

I can only imagine what the next 23 will be like. Twenty-three years ago today, I was born. It doesn't seem like all that long ago I was in elementary school and now here I am. A lot has changed since then. I can't just hold up fingers for "how many I am" and I'm certainly not counting the years in halves either...oh to be four and a half again.

I posted on my facebook status this morning that most of the last twenty-three years, I wouldn't trade for the world. What I would trade, I said, you can probably find at the Dollar Tree. That was a breezy statement though and I admit I probably said it for its humor rather than its truth. While there are certainly those moments in life we'd all rather forget an wish we had to do over again, the truth is that it simply is not possible. Those moments in our lives that we wish we could sell to the Dollar Tree bargain bin can be used for good. They can be used as productive learning experiences. Ones that we move on from and become better people because of. Heaven knows I have had my share of those...

Hopefully in twenty-three more I can look back and thank God I went through them.

Its about 6am I'm at wok and as I type this and already I've gotten three presents and one card. As a side note, I love my job and the people here...The first card I got offers priceless advice. "Its your birthday" the outside reads. The inside says, "accommodate no one." If there is one thing the last few years, and weeks have taught me its that everyone in the world seems concerned with their own happiness, who shouldn't I?

No more accommodations.

I will admit its hard to heed that advice. Its hard to move on from things that have been institutions in your adult life in the name of happiness. I'm working on that though with a couple of things in mind:

The first is that you can't 'fake' happiness. There are no temporary solutions. Happiness is a gift we're given. You can't buy it, sell it, put it on or take it off. You won't find it in the material, silver, gold, money or titles. I was immature enough in the past to think that if I actively pursued it I could force happiness to come to me.

I was wrong. Anyone else who believes that is just as wrong as I am.

The second thing I've kept in mind is the simple phrase my Grandma sill says, "this too shall pass." I'd be lying if I didn't admit that the last year has been one of the toughest emotional roller coasters I have ever experienced. Part of me at times has wanted to throw my hands in the air and just give up. At times its seemed easier. Then I hear those words. Pain in this life, though it doesn't make it any less bearable, is temporary. I've found it hard to convince myself of that lately, but I'm working on it.

One day I'll probably look back on the last year as just another drop in this enormous bucket of life; a year that taught me more than I could have ever imagined. A year that helped me grow more than I could have ever imagined and a year that will eventually be responsible for my happiness. Not fake happiness, not me trying to convince myself I am happy to avoid pain. Just happiness, in its true form.

Come down to the river
Come and let yourself in
Make good on a promise
To never hurt again
If you're lost and lonely
You're Broken down


Bring all of your troubles come lay 'em down