Forgiveness forgotten...

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
--Mark Twain

I've been plaugued recently with the prospect of forgivness, forgetting and the difference between the two. We all know what forgivness is in the definition sense, but it seems that too many people are confused by what forgivness is not. Clearly forgiveness is not forgetting.

Forgiveness means we are not going to allow the experiences of the past dominate our future.

Forgiveness is not avoidance. It is not making light of something we find hurtful. Being the imperfect people we are, there are constantly things that happen between us and others that are minor irritations. We can ignore these. However, when the hurt is real, it is not helpful to say "It doesn't matter", or to make light of something that is basically wrong. That is being dishonest. Where a relationship is spoiled, something more is necessary. Forgiveness is the vital action of love, seeking to restore the harmony that has been shattered. Chosing to live in that "shattered" state only hurts those who fail to forgive.

Forgiveness is not excusing. It is not denying that the one who has caused the hurt is responsible for their actions. There is a place for making allowances for people's behaviour. However, there is a tendency today to err too much in that direction. It is true that some people are more "sinned against" than sinning, but to deny responsibility for the choices we make is to lessen our dignity as human beings. We are beings who are to be taken to account for our moral choices. Invariably we mess things up, but if we are to grow we must accept responsibility for our own part in that process. One of my favorite quotes on the subject comes from my favorite author, C.S. Lewis who said, "If one was really not to blame, then there is nothing to forgive. In that sense forgiveness and excusing are almost opposite."

It is important to know what forgiveness does not do. It may not take away the hurt. It does not deny the past injury. It does not ignore the possibility and need for repentance and a change in the relationship. It means being willing to take the initiative in dealing with any barriers that I may be raising towards a restored relationship.

More people are harmed by nursing grudges and harbouring grievences that by any other emotional means. We only get one life, one trip around the sun. Its senseless to spend it living in the past and allowing ourselves to continue to be hurt by things that, while we wish they had never hurt us in the first place, should have only been allowed to reign over us once.

I don't want to look back and regret the way I handled this, or wish I would have done something differently. Forgiveness offers an out from that lifestyle. It allows us all to live in the present and enjoy the future.

It's not forgetting. It's forgiveness. It's smart and it's mindful; something we should all be so inclined to give a chance.